Finding truth through writing.

I am a terrible writer, I really am. I have a love addiction to run on sentences and the em dash. I get so excited about what I am writing about, that I want to include everything and anything. I don't understand cutting back and only focusing on one subject, when there is so much I want to say. I'm so bad that my journalism teacher in high school tried to get my mom to pull me out of the program and out of the staff. I mean, THAT is the epitome of being a bad writer.

My friend was editing my Spanish paper last night and he joked that "you can't translate this into Spanish, if it is already dumb in English."
(Man, I reference him a lot in ways that make him seem like a jerk. However, he isn't, I swear. Last night he could have been in a coffee shop being productive, watching a movie at his house or generally enjoying life. Instead he came to my residence hall to edit my paper when I was on night duty and could not leave. Plus, he puts up with my all out raunchy and awkward, but never the less awesome, comments and just laughs about them. I mean, yesterday I learned about Female To Male post op surgeries and the process they go through and he laughed about it when I told him.)

See, if I was a good writer I would some how transition FTM back to my terrible writing.
So, let me see if I can transition this. I am terrible at being a female. I'm not trying to say I want to be a FTM, I strongly support those that made that transition but I like being a girl. I may suck at it, but I like it. This is kind of how I feel about writing.

I guess I am just use to getting insulted about my writing but here is the thing-- I LOVE to write. I love to find out people's stories and how they got where they are. I came to college expecting to stay in love with journalism and find all the little niches in the college life. Unfortunately this was not the case. I found people who just wanted to get an award for their writing. I found people who never missed a comma but never added in an extra one. I found people who were more concerned with an extraordinary synoym for the world corn in a story about a plain quiet farming family. I found out that this was not the type of journalism I wanted to do. This is one thing I actually do love about the internet. I am now studying environmental issues and geography but anytime I get an itch to write I can come here and be the journalist I shouldn't be.
My blog does not require me to have a degree in journalism, creative writing or english. I love that.

I'm incredibly happy that during the first semester of my freshman year I discovered this. I'm glad I left the journalism field and found something I'm actually good at doing and also love to do. When I think back to high school I often wish I would have spent more time in Environmental Education. I think back to the countless hours I dedicated to a book that was so important to me, but that I haven't touched in over three years. However, when I truly think about it I am glad my mom kept me in the program. I do feel sorry that people had to read my shitty writing and think of a nice way to say this is horrible let's fix it. But (see never start a sentance with but) the program gave me some of the greatest friends - 3 of whom I still talk to daily. It gave me a way to express my nerdism and gave me something to care about. It kept me from being depressed and was a niche I fit into, despite my lack of grammar skills.

It reminds me of something the dean of the school of education once told me. Some of you will be amazing at this and love it and this is where you belong. Some of you will be amazing at it and hate it. Some of you will be horrible at it and love it. While he was talking about being a teacher, this applies to me so much more with writing.

To those of you who read this, I hope you find something that you are amazing at and that you love and that you do it. I also hope you find something you are horrible at but love doing and you keep doing it.