worries

I just got done biking 10 miles with my friend Jacob and it feels great. 10 miles is nothing but it is the first time I've ridden my bike all summer. I just haven't been feeling it lately, I've been in this weird transitioning period in my life where I am transitioning but I don't feel like I actually am. I graduated and am going to graduate school but I am staying at my undergrad--so it doesn't really feel like I'm changing. I'm scared of next year because I'm going to be in the same place but most of my friends are moving on and moving out. My best friend of 4 years, the one person I feel truly gets me and has always just been a floor, phone call, text or quick car trip away, won't be living in a 5 mile radius from me anymore. It is amazing how much just being around someone can completely make you feel like you matter and like everything will always be okay. No matter how terrible your day is, the second you are around them none of what caused the bad day matters anymore. Now that he is going to be 4 hours away with people who have already accepted him and are completely excited to have him there (as they should be), I don't know that everything will be okay. I know our friendship is strong enough to last, I'm not worried about that at all--it just sucks that he won't be around anymore. To be honest, I don't like talking to him about where he is going next year because it hurts a little. Which, I know is completely ridiculous because he is doing what is best for him and what is going to make him happy later in his life. I'm really excited for him, I think I'm just jealous. I think it just hurts because he already has friends there and while I know I'm going to make friends in my program--I don't know any of them yet so it is hard to keep a positive spirit. Plus he is getting back into housing--which I miss-- and has a place to live of his own. In addition to the whole best friend moving away the two plans I had for roommates next year fell apart and now I'm finding myself not having a place or people to live with. Again, it is a case where they are doing what they believe is best for themselves and I'm happy for them but it just sucks. So, I'm left to find some random person through a friend, find some random people on craigslist or live by myself. I see positives and negatives to all situations. I'm going to be in graduate school, so I don't want loud roommates that stay up all night or cause lots of drama. The one summer that I lived by myself was an amazing summer and I was so motivated to be healthy, happy and work hard--so that is the biggest positive of living by myself but then I'm worried I'm going to be lonely and I'm worried I'm going to be free from distractions so I'm going to only think about the negative things in my life. My mind keeps focusing on the negative things lately.

I have so much more that I want to write but I really need to shower and go to sleep. I'm running on less than 3 hours right now and had planned to be in bed by 10 tonight... which obviously didn't happen.